{"title":"For a Coworker","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003eYou've heard the jokes in the break room. The 401(k) that never seems to grow. The \"retirement plan\" that's actually just the lottery. The Friday afternoon countdown to a Monday that never stops coming. Everyone in the office already knows the bit — they just haven't had a way to wear it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003eThis collection is built for exactly that shared, low-key office dread: the error-screen joke your IT-adjacent coworker will get instantly, the eye exam that diagnoses the real problem, and the shirt for the one who's banking on six numbers instead of a 401(k) match.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e10% of every purchase supports Feeding America — so the gag gift funds something real too. \u003ca class=\"underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current\/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current\" href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\"\u003eSee the mission →\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShirts in this collection:\u003c\/strong\u003e Retirement.exe · Can You See Retirement? (Eye Chart) · My Retirement Plan (Lottery)\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"retirement-exe-progress-bar-t-shirt-funny-retirement-gift-tee","title":"Retirement.exe — Error: 401k.dll Not Found","description":"\u003cp\u003eOnly 35% of non-retirees say their retirement savings are on track.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor everyone else, retirement may feel less like a plan and more like a system error.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe Retirement.exe shirt is designed to look like an old computer monitor: black background, glowing green text, a stalled progress bar, and the message:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eERROR: 401K.DLL NOT FOUND\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt is a throwback to the days of blinking cursors, command prompts, and computers that froze at exactly the wrong moment.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOnly now, the thing that will not load is retirement.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou work. You save. You contribute to the 401(k). You watch the years go by.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd somewhere on the screen, retirement is still buffering.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe joke lands because the anxiety behind it is real. Millions of Americans are uncertain whether their savings will be enough to let them stop working when they choose. A growing account balance does not always mean retirement is actually getting closer.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis shirt is for anyone whose retirement program appears to be running—but may be missing a critical file.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRETIREMENT.EXE\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e[progress bar]\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eERROR: 401K.DLL NOT FOUND\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe vintage green-on-black design gives it the look of an old CRT monitor or DOS-era computer screen, making the joke feel like a message from a system that has been processing your retirement request for the last 30 years.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd there is a serious purpose behind the humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eApproximately 1 in 11 seniors in America faces food insecurity. That is why 10% of apparel profits support Feeding America through Team Pension Department as we work toward our goal of helping provide 50,000 meals to people facing hunger.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA retirement error message can make someone laugh.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFood insecurity is no joke.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp style=\"text-align: center;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWear the anxiety. Start the conversation. Help provide a meal.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* 100% ring-spun U.S. cotton\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in feel\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Heavyweight 6.1 oz fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Relaxed, pre-shrunk fit\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Tubular construction with no side seams\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Double-needle stitching for durability\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Sizes S–4XL\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Machine wash cold\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Do not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Tumble dry low\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Iron or steam on low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e* Do not dry clean\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e10% of every purchase supports Feeding America — because retirement might be delayed, but dinner shouldn't be. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDonate Now-https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":48690657984744,"sku":"27678911129182780546","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":48690658017512,"sku":"27611498591766281369","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":48690658050280,"sku":"10036481024523425180","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":48690658115816,"sku":"21763079543765879411","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":48690658148584,"sku":"46564139002296900804","price":35.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/files\/5790183827852097980_2048.jpg?v=1786843245"},{"product_id":"retirement-eye-chart-t-shirt-can-you-see-retirement-funny-retirement-gift-tee","title":"Can You See Retirement? — Eye Chart Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"Can you read the bottom line?\" Yeah. It says PENSION NOT FOUND.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFor over 35 years, we've been watching people squint at their statements, hoping the numbers might look better with a different prescription. They don't. Roughly 4 in 10 Americans aren't confident they'll ever have enough to retire, and for lower-income households that number climbs even higher. If your retirement outlook feels 20\/200 no matter how hard you focus, congratulations — your vision is fine. The numbers are just genuinely that blurry.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eAt first glance, this shirt looks like a routine trip to the optometrist. Look closer and the chart spells it out, line by line, getting harder to deny the lower you read: P-E-N-S-I-O-N... N-O-T... F-O-U-N-D. No eye drops are going to fix this diagnosis. We ran every test. The prognosis is grim, but the shirt is soft.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFull disclosure: I wear these myself — pre-wash and post-wash — to make sure they actually feel as good as we say they do. And every time, I'm quietly using the shirt to answer its own question: Can I see retirement? Not yet. But if enough of these sell, that's the one prescription that might actually work.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the perfect wearable eye exam for anyone whose \u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem\u003e401(k) needs a much stronger prescription\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e. Bold hand-lettered script up top, a genuine eye-chart layout below complete with green and red guide lines, and a punchline that reads clearer the longer you stare at it — kind of like the balance itself, unfortunately. This one's \u003cstrong\u003e\u003cem\u003ea favorite with anyone in eye care\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e, finance, or anyone who's ever left an appointment more concerned about the bill than the exam.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy it feels 20\/20 (even if your savings don't)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade from heavyweight, ring-spun cotton with a soft, garment-dyed finish, this relaxed-fit tee feels lived-in from the first wear. The pre-shrunk, tubular knit keeps side seams out of the picture entirely — one less thing you have to squint at. Durable double-needle stitching and a sewn-in label mean it stays sharp, wash after wash, long after your retirement projections have gone fuzzy again.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun US cotton — soft, pre-shrunk heavyweight (6.1 oz)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed finish for a soft color and lived-in texture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTubular knit without side seams for a clean, comfortable drape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-needle stitching on all seams for long-lasting durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S–2XL available; sewn-in label for comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry on low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFashion with a vision for the future\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCan you spot the real punchline? It's not on the chart — it's that \u003cstrong\u003e10% of every purchase is donated directly to Feeding America\u003c\/strong\u003e through our Team Pension Department campaign, funding real meals for seniors and families facing hunger. We're turning a blurry outlook into 20\/20 hindsight on what actually matters: nobody should have to go without dinner while they wait for their numbers to come into focus. \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eSupport the campaign →\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you can read this line without squinting, do us a favor and pass it on to someone who needs the appointment.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48890283229416,"sku":"17525342996951828446","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":48890283262184,"sku":"25629260194205368790","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":48890283294952,"sku":"29443123079155249502","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":48890283327720,"sku":"19276888645688388281","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":48890283360488,"sku":"62616280194764461120","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ L","offer_id":48890283393256,"sku":"10644563349069390640","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":48890283426024,"sku":"74918162657373107344","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":48890283458792,"sku":"55113872882326196644","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":48890283491560,"sku":"33123190988135592368","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ XL","offer_id":48890283524328,"sku":"19655810200823255504","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":48890283557096,"sku":"78809863246883293552","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":48890283589864,"sku":"32635716214978302529","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890283622632,"sku":"22915443017266046096","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890283655400,"sku":"89310252136892703306","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890283688168,"sku":"12261714286923183869","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890283720936,"sku":"12078761328883199321","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":48890283753704,"sku":"59366992424658878322","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":48890283786472,"sku":"76774299295195483677","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/files\/4365641398692597364_2048.jpg?v=1786843869"},{"product_id":"my-retirement-plan-lottery-ticket-tee","title":"My Retirement Plan — Lottery Ticket Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"What are the odds?\"\u003c\/strong\u003e Yeah. About 1 in 292 million.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor over 35 years, we've watched people budget around a jackpot that never comes. According to TIAA's 2025 National Retirement Security Month survey, 1 in 10 Americans are counting on winning the lottery as part of their actual retirement plan. Statistically, you have a better shot at getting struck by lightning. Twice. If your retirement strategy currently involves a pencil, a prayer, and a Tuesday night drawing, congratulations — you're not alone. You're just not going to win.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAt first glance, this shirt looks like a losing scratch ticket somebody forgot to throw away. Look closer and that's exactly the point — a silver scratch panel, six numbered balls scattered across the front, and two words underneath doing all the heavy lifting: \u003cstrong\u003eMY RETIREMENT PLAN.\u003c\/strong\u003e No advisor. No spreadsheet. No employer match. We ran the numbers. They don't look good. The shirt, however, does.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFull disclosure: I wear these myself — pre-wash and post-wash — to make sure they actually feel as good as we say they do. And every time, I'm quietly doing the same math this shirt is joking about. Thirty-five years managing other people's retirement plans, and my own odds of winning are exactly the same as yours: basically zero. Somebody should really buy a ticket.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the perfect wearable confession for anyone whose 401(k) statement has ever made the lottery look like the safer bet. Bold ticket-style lettering, real scratch-panel texture, and numbered balls scattered like a drawing nobody won — a favorite with anyone in finance, anyone who's ever bought \"just one ticket,\" and anyone who's done the actual math and decided hope was cheaper.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy it feels like a jackpot (even if your savings don't)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade from heavyweight, ring-spun cotton with a soft, garment-dyed finish, this relaxed-fit tee feels lived-in from the first wear. The pre-shrunk, tubular knit keeps side seams out of the picture entirely — one less number to worry about. Durable double-needle stitching and a sewn-in label mean it stays a winner wash after wash, long after this week's numbers didn't hit.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun US cotton — soft, pre-shrunk heavyweight (6.1 oz)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed finish for a soft color and lived-in texture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTubular knit without side seams for a clean, comfortable drape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-needle stitching on all seams for long-lasting durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S–2XL available; sewn-in label for comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry on low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBetter odds than the lottery\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHere's a bet that actually pays off: 10% of every purchase is donated directly to Feeding America through our Team Pension Department campaign, funding real meals for seniors and families facing hunger. 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