{"title":"For Mom","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003eMoms have been doing the retirement math just as long as anyone — usually while everyone assumes she's got it all figured out. Roughly 4 in 10 Americans aren't confident they'll ever have enough to retire, and she's probably one of the honest ones who'll actually admit it, at least to you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003eMoms don't usually joke about this one. They just quietly do the math, keep it to themselves, and let everyone assume it's handled. Roughly 4 in 10 Americans aren't confident they'll ever have enough to retire — and she's probably never said out loud which side of that she's on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003eThis is the shirt that says the quiet part for her, so she doesn't have to carry it alone. Not a joke about \"someday.\" A little relief that someone else gets it too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e10% of every purchase supports Feeding America — so even this does something real. \u003ca class=\"underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current\/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current\" href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\"\u003eSee the mission →\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"my-retirement-date-flying-pig-tee","title":"My Retirement Date — Flying Pig Tee","description":"\u003ch3\u003eMy Retirement Date — Flying Pig Tee\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou didn't need a study to know retirement feels like a myth these days — but here's one anyway: over a third of parents have paused their retirement savings entirely just to keep up with the cost of raising kids, and nearly two-thirds of families with young children don't feel financially secure in the first place. Add in a couple hundred thousand dollars per kid by the time they're grown, and \"retiring early\" starts to sound about as realistic as, well, a pig taking flight.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis shirt says what your 401(k) statement won't. Garment-dyed for a soft, lived-in feel from the first wear, the heavyweight 100% ring-spun cotton holds up wash after wash while staying relaxed and easy — the kind of tee you actually reach for, whether you're running errands, manning the grill, or standing at the edge of someone else's retirement party wondering when it'll be your turn.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWear it as a joke. Wear it as a warning label. Either way, it's honest — and it looks good doing it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun US cotton — soft, pre-shrunk, and built to last\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed after construction for rich, lived-in color and texture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight fabric (6.1 oz\/yd²), relaxed everyday fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTubular knit (no side seams) with double-needle stitching for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWide size range (S–4XL) and 58 color options\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSewn-in label for a clean, soft feel against skin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron\/steam on low heat if needed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e10% of every purchase supports Feeding America — because retirement might be delayed, but dinner shouldn't be.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDonate Now. https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":48887826415848,"sku":"21540198534668629414","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48887826448616,"sku":"72794769729862537885","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":48887826481384,"sku":"31430253284948276522","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 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Retirement? — Missing Milk Carton Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"I'm eligible to retire by 2040, right?\"\u003c\/strong\u003e Yeah... right.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFor over 35 years, we've been looking at the numbers behind the curtain — and here's the truth: roughly 4 in 10 Americans aren't confident they'll ever have enough to retire, and Gen X, the generation that grew up checking milk cartons for missing kids before checking a phone, is currently the most anxious of them all. So if you feel like your retirement is 2% funded, you're not alone. You're the majority.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAt first glance, this shirt looks like a standard calendar milestone announcement. Look closer and you'll find a detailed, hilarious illustration of a missing retirement nest egg — printed milk-carton style, \"MISSING SINCE 2008,\" right down to the cow who's seen better decades. Americans are saving Every Whey they can, and it's still not enough.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFull disclosure: I wear these myself — pre-wash and post-wash — to make sure nothing about the quality goes missing too. Because if I'm going to put \"MISSING\" on someone's chest, the fit and feel better not be the next thing to disappear.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Missing Retirement on Milk Carton\" is the perfect wearable eye-roll for anyone who thinks retirement is udderly ridiculous. Bold typography, sharp sarcastic accents, and a punchline built for a double-take — this turns real financial anxiety into a classic, groan-worthy dad joke. Retirement is supposed to be smooth and creamy. Instead, you're working past your sell-by date.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWhy it feels like a luxury (even if your 401(k) doesn't)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMade from 100% ring-spun cotton, this heavyweight 6.1 oz. tee has that substantial, premium streetwear weight. It's pre-shrunk, soft-washed, and garment-dyed for a broken-in, lived-in comfort right from the very first wear — relaxed, durable, and built to hold up wash after wash, whether you're surviving a casual Friday or actively trying not to look at your bank account.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight 6.1 oz., 100% ring-spun cotton for a structured, high-quality drape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed and soft-washed for a lived-in look with natural shade variation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-needle topstitched 1\" ribbed collar, double-needle sleeve and hem stitching, twill-taped shoulder-to-shoulder construction\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic relaxed fit with set-in sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S–2XL available; sewn-in label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry on low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFashion with a reality check\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCurd you do us a flavor and buy a shirt? 10% of every purchase is donated directly to Feeding America through our Team Pension Department campaign, helping fund real meals for seniors, families, and individuals facing hunger. We're calling out the unfulfilled workplace promises, laughing at the absurdity, and funding real-world relief while we do it — so retirement isn't a moo-t point, even if it takes a minute to get there. \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eSupport the campaign →\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you think there's no whey you can help — send this to a friend and spread the word.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48890349420776,"sku":"31987893951790345779","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":48890349453544,"sku":"65412104862375047595","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":48890349486312,"sku":"12032321339001258689","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":48890349519080,"sku":"59628126570126015989","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ M","offer_id":48890349551848,"sku":"30954463902564311531","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":48890349584616,"sku":"10532894576411503475","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":48890349617384,"sku":"27900660890467037853","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ L","offer_id":48890349650152,"sku":"33481197013062004743","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":48890349682920,"sku":"90608640176224515191","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ L","offer_id":48890349715688,"sku":"14470349555805985546","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":48890349748456,"sku":"30763397536826963067","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ XL","offer_id":48890349781224,"sku":"69319390475063169447","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ XL","offer_id":48890349813992,"sku":"17538810168128529194","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":48890349846760,"sku":"16313299043076728201","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ XL","offer_id":48890349879528,"sku":"23277232279156075571","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890349912296,"sku":"29021658859717020351","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890349945064,"sku":"23338394321466701448","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890349977832,"sku":"11874165345437385716","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890350010600,"sku":"23851566892258294539","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 2XL","offer_id":48890350043368,"sku":"32522514539722770814","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ivory \/ 3XL","offer_id":48890350076136,"sku":"81382445572113526328","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":48890350108904,"sku":"28226174690105856773","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/files\/10559597927818948679_2048.jpg?v=1786849707"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/collections\/mom.png?v=1786849941","url":"https:\/\/retirementanxiety.shop\/collections\/for-mom.oembed","provider":"The Pension Department, Inc.","version":"1.0","type":"link"}