{"title":"For Mom","description":"\u003ch1 class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eFunny Retirement T Shirts For Mom\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eMoms \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003ehave been doing the retirement math \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003ejust as long as anyone — usually while \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eeveryone assumes she's got it all \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003efigured out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eThis retirement t shirt collection for Mom \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003esays its ok not to have everything figured out. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eThese bold, funny shirts are built \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003efor the mom who'd rather laugh about \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003ethe retirement  than \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003epretend it's all handled. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eWhether she'd \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eget a kick out of a lottery-odds \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eretirement plan or a tarot card that \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003espells out exactly what she already \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003esuspects, or pigs flying these are made to be worn and \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003enoticed, not just unwrapped and set \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003easide.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal\" dir=\"ltr\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003e10% of profits supports \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eFeeding America — so even the gag gift \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003edoes something real. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ca class=\"underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current\/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current\" href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\"\u003e\u003cspan class=\"_animating_muyve_10\"\u003eSee the mission →\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"retirement-t-shirt-flying-pig-t-shirt","title":"My Retirement Date — Flying Pig Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eWhen retirement finally happens, will it be earlier or later than expected? We're going with \"when pigs fly.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis one's exactly as literal as it sounds: a pig, mid-flight, taking to the sky like it's the most natural thing in the world — because apparently that's about as likely as hitting your retirement number on schedule. No caption needed. The pig says it for you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFull disclosure: We wear these funny retirement t shirts through more wash cycles than we'd like to admit, mostly just to make sure it holds up as well as the joke does.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the one for anyone who's ever laughed instead of answering when someone asks \"so when are you retiring?\" — a solid pick for a coworker's send-off, a dad who deflects with humor, or yourself, if you're the one doing the deflecting.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun US cotton — soft, pre-shrunk, and built to last\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed after construction for rich, lived-in color and texture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight fabric (6.1 oz\/yd²), relaxed everyday fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTubular knit (no side seams) with double-needle stitching for durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWide size range (S–4XL) and 58 color options\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSewn-in label for a clean, soft feel against skin\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron\/steam on low heat if needed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e10% of profits supports Feeding America — because retirement might be delayed, but dinner shouldn't be. \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eDonate Now \u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":48887826415848,"sku":"21540198534668629414","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48887826448616,"sku":"72794769729862537885","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":48887826481384,"sku":"31430253284948276522","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":48887826546920,"sku":"19789469895729257244","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Orchid \/ S","offer_id":48887826579688,"sku":"17743814162661255547","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":48887826612456,"sku":"21633747652582272280","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":48887826645224,"sku":"28338762205430663193","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 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3XL","offer_id":48887827497192,"sku":"54363965020859908648","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 4XL","offer_id":48887827529960,"sku":"25064746480355886818","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/files\/17066601249216377100_2048.jpg?v=1788229633"},{"product_id":"retirement-t-shirt-lottery-ticket-t-shirt","title":"Funny Retirement T Shirt for Gamblers - Lottery Ticket Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eAt first glance, this funny retirement shirt looks like a simple lottery ticket. Look closer and you'll realize the ticket isn't just for Saturday night's drawing.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIt's the retirement plan.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause when your financial future depends on matching six numbers, retirement planning becomes less about asset allocation and more about crossing your fingers.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFull disclosure: We wear these ourselves — pre-wash and post-wash — to make sure the quality isn't another long-shot bet. Because if we're going to put someone's retirement plan on a lottery ticket, the shirt itself better have better odds than the jackpot.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the perfect wearable gamble for lottery players, casino lovers, office lottery pools, gamblers, and anyone whose backup retirement strategy begins with, “When I win...”\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBold typography, lottery humor, sharp sarcastic accents, and a punchline built for anyone who has ever mentally spent a jackpot they haven't won yet — this turns real retirement anxiety into a joke with truly terrible odds.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eYou bought the ticket.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eNow all that's left is funding retirement with a one-in-a-few-hundred-million event.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHeavyweight 6.1 oz., 100% ring-spun cotton for a structured, high-quality drape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed and soft-washed for a lived-in look with natural shade variation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-needle topstitched 1\" ribbed collar, double-needle sleeve and hem stitching, twill-taped shoulder-to-shoulder construction\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClassic relaxed fit with set-in sleeves\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S–2XL available; sewn-in label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry on low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e10% of every purchase is donated to Feeding America — because hitting the jackpot is optional, but dinner shouldn't be. \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eSupport the campaign \u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":48903040270568,"sku":"43076399460593544523","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ S","offer_id":48934975504616,"sku":"24347655049688471857","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48903040303336,"sku":"21370140844291871784","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":48903040336104,"sku":"30276041983205523688","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 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Card Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-size: 1rem; letter-spacing: 0.015em;\"\u003eAt first glance, this funny retirement t shirt looks like a simple tarot pull. Look closer and the deck isn't random — it's diagnostic. The Four of Pentacles, gripping what little you've managed to save like it might disappear if you loosen your hand. The Hanged Man, suspended in place, waiting for a \"someday\" that keeps not arriving. The Eight of Swords, boxed in by a situation that feels inescapable, even on the days it probably isn't. Read them together and the message underneath doesn't need much explaining: NOT IN THE CARDS.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFull disclosure: We wear these ourselves — pre-wash and post-wash — to make sure the fit holds up as well as the reading did.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis is the perfect wearable tarot pull for anyone who's ever wanted their retirement outlook read honestly instead of gently. A favorite with anyone who's into tarot for real, and an even bigger favorite with anyone who just likes watching people do a double-take when they realize the cards actually mean something.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% ring-spun US cotton — soft, pre-shrunk heavyweight (6.1 oz)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGarment-dyed finish for a soft color and lived-in texture\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTubular knit without side seams for a clean, comfortable drape\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble-needle stitching on all seams for long-lasting durability\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S–2XL available; sewn-in label for comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash cold (max 30°C\/90°F)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not bleach\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry low\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry on low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA better fortune than the cards gave you\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHere's the one piece of good news the deck didn't mention: 10% of profits is donated directly to Feeding America through our Team Pension Department campaign, funding real meals for seniors and families facing hunger. No cards required — that part's guaranteed. \u003ca href=\"https:\/\/teamfeed.feedingamerica.org\/participants\/Team-Pension-Dept\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003eSupport the campaign \u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSome things are written in the cards. This one's written in cotton.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Red \/ S","offer_id":48975046508776,"sku":"19453041698032035133","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ S","offer_id":48905345335528,"sku":"23477959612850994342","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ S","offer_id":48975046541544,"sku":"13831068328438729597","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ S","offer_id":48905345368296,"sku":"12986815317290290720","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ S","offer_id":48905345401064,"sku":"18609406425575303855","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ M","offer_id":48975046574312,"sku":"65478679712558042391","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ M","offer_id":48905345433832,"sku":"13437030513377624339","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ M","offer_id":48975046607080,"sku":"67627036456068027130","price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ M","offer_id":48905345466600,"sku":"68469388641989622976","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ M","offer_id":48905345499368,"sku":"23751051084872547889","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ L","offer_id":48975046639848,"sku":"87780334180207248328","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ L","offer_id":48905345532136,"sku":"21843003760594361180","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ L","offer_id":48975046672616,"sku":"14743912732348397093","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ L","offer_id":48905345564904,"sku":"23712803132805164195","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ XL","offer_id":48975046705384,"sku":"29573973805386653619","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":48905345597672,"sku":"56923795321365484668","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ XL","offer_id":48905345630440,"sku":"16730413360921047997","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ XL","offer_id":48975046738152,"sku":"33748989633775655050","price":33.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ XL","offer_id":48905345663208,"sku":"37789674318358622650","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ XL","offer_id":48905345695976,"sku":"50068724687384070811","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL","offer_id":48975046770920,"sku":"22942764892523916173","price":34.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":48905345728744,"sku":"18398152489065760986","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Bay \/ 2XL","offer_id":48905345761512,"sku":"11425558069594334073","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 2XL","offer_id":48975046803688,"sku":"27494184984214892356","price":35.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Chambray \/ 2XL","offer_id":48905345794280,"sku":"19426805191654279914","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":48905345827048,"sku":"94145302364610213317","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 3XL","offer_id":48975046836456,"sku":"80258418066739174964","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 3XL","offer_id":48975046869224,"sku":"29587417539429302454","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":48905345859816,"sku":"10627822505027411538","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blossom \/ 4XL","offer_id":48975046901992,"sku":"72839692105510689314","price":37.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 4XL","offer_id":48975046934760,"sku":"25953034619187719098","price":32.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/files\/2595784959377343323_2048.jpg?v=1788228482"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0795\/6584\/8808\/collections\/mom.png?v=1786849941","url":"https:\/\/retirementanxiety.shop\/collections\/funny-retirement-t-shirts-for-mom.oembed","provider":"Retirement Anxiety","version":"1.0","type":"link"}